Communicate

I can’t

communicate.

I feel,

I think,

I write,

I breathe,

I try.

But,

I can’t

communicate.

No, not a lack of sense,

or senses.

I intuit and I receive.

Or even a lack of will.

It’s a lack of

courage –

a fear-inducing

vulnerability.

And what if,

you can’t hear?

If I tell you I

hate meatloaf

forget to water plants

eat (too much) chocolate

believe in fate,

we’ll carry on.

“It’s human, you’re unique.”

But,

what if, I tell you

I feel as one

when we’re two,

or  alone,

when we’re me and you.

I flip, then I flop.

What if I’m

trying hard to right

a childhood of misunderstandings,

of miscommunications,

and inadvertently, perpetuate

the greatest of them all?

Because,

the stakes are high

and I can’t

communicate.

I want freedom, I want a future.

And I want you,

and me.

Together,

but not two halves of a whole,

x + y ;

two completes of something greater,

x * y.

But I’m afraid

to string the words into a sentence,

to lay it all down –

the mess and the clean.

And I’m afraid

to say there are pros and cons,

because everyone says

“it’s all roses”

though I think

there are thorns in private.

I want more.

I need more,

of you.

But I can’t

communicate.

 

 

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About regulardaze

Hi, I'm Sarah. I enjoy photography, dancing, travel, theatre, delicious food, and learning (constantly, about almost everything imaginable). I currently live in Austin, TX. Thanks for sharing in my thoughts and adventures! :)

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